What's a PLOCK?
by Siara1
Summary: Well, it seems some of you are not mature enough to handle this so I am upping the rating. *crosses fingers* My second humor fic, written when I was inspired by Steve's Frieza Beans... Yeah, thats the kinda fic this is.


What's a PLOCK? Siara's Note: 

This fic was in response to a challenge from Chi, which has been copied below: 

The fic must have   
2 Namek/other species pairings   
1 of the pairing can not be Namek/Saiyan   
The other is   
There must be a Samekian (Saiyan/Namek hybrid)   
Name at least three people you've chatted with in our chat room   
Snerks must be mentioned (For all of you who don't know A snerk is an tasty, elvin like creature that dragons like to snack on. They're about the size of an eight week old house kitten. We get very creative in chat)   
One of the chatters you mention must kaugh (cackling laugh) evilly   
Piccolo and Gohan break out into pop songs at random and innapropriate times in the story   
Optional things to do   
Gohan and Piccolo dance along to the songs   
Someone on a sugar high runs around screaming "Hentai"   
Someone says "I can feel their auras. You two have had sex on this table" (Okay, no matter how cute Jeff Goldblum is, no more watching his movies while brain storming ideas)   
Trunks and Goten get caught dancing/making out/acting out to the new Briteny Spears song I'm A Slave 4 U   
[end of challenge] 

*grin* are you scared yet? Here we go . . . 

* * *

Siara's Note (again): This fic is written in the footsteps of Steve's famous Frieza Beans... Yeah, okay. Today is October 12 2001 so no one copy this without my permission. Blah blah. Now read! 

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or the DBZ characters, nor do I own Scrabble [but I would appreciate a Ouji board for Christmas] nor do I own any of these pop songs, nor do I own that one line from the "Reproduction" song in Grease 2. I don't own my chat friends either, though there *was* that one time where I--but we're not talking about me, are we? 

P.S. I know I know the spacing is heck to deal with but I wanted to post it fast! Also note that: PLOCK belongs to me because I made it up before you did (That's right certain-person-I-am-not-going-to-name! and Tch! is mine too!) nyah nyah nyah. ^_~ 

**What is a PLOCK?**

"I've got a crush. On. You," Piccolo sang soulfully, "I get a rush when I'm with you, I hope you feel the way that I do!" He gave his best puppydog look to the man/boy he was trying to win over. "I've got a crush on you, I crush on yo-ou!" 

Dende blinked. He stared at Piccolo, who knelt on one knee, spouting pop music. 

"Ummm, okay whatever." He fidgeted. He did like Piccolo of course, and was extremely pleased with the mutual feelings, but *really*, couldn't the green hunk have picked some other way to propose? Dende wondered if Piccolo wore women's underwear. 

*****(really annoying scene change accompanied by crappy flute music)****** 

"Who's your daddy?!!?" Roshi screamed. 

"You are." 

"But-but I didn't know Kami could get pregnant! I would've used protection...." Roshi trailed off as the sickeningly adorable green girl began tearing. 

"You don't love meeeee!!!" 

"I don't even know you!" Roshi stopped when he saw her cry harder, "...But I can try and take care of you if you want. Maybe we'll get to be great friends." 

"...." She stared at him. "That is so lame, dad. Where's the TV?" And she went into his house. Little did Roshi know that he actually was NOT her father. Kami had known of the old man'd sterility, and secretly stolen sperm from Goku so he would get pregnant and thus force Roshi to marry him instead of leaving the rocky relationship. He read about that in Cover Girl Magazine as a great tactic for forcing a guy to marry you and save a crumbling affair. The Samekian girl was left an orphan when Piccolo merged with Kami. She was as annoying as HFIL and her name, after careful, meticulous, completely inebriated consideration on Kami's part, was "Snerk." The Eternal Dragon seemed to like the name for some odd reason. 

*****(really annoying scene change accompanied by crappy flute music)****** 

"So then *I* said, that's not a guacamole, that's my shoe!" Gohan said into the microphone. 

*Tiddy Boom,* went the drum. 

All the golfers, eerily quiet goth people, and other miscellanious people in black, clapped. Gohan grinned a cheesy smile and went on. He was on a roll today at his comedian job. He used to be a stand up comedian, but then he realized that when sitting down, he made a much smaller target. Thus, he became a sit-down comedian. 

"My wife and I have sex almost every night," he began. 

"Almost on Monday, almost on tuesday, almost on wednesday, almost on thursday, --" 

*Tiddy boom* 

He was about to start another joke when-- 

*Tiddy PLOCK* went the drum. A raving angry teenager (from the looks of him) ran up to the stage. 

"THAT WAS MY JOKE!" he yelled. 

"And who are you, sir?" Gohan asked politely, raising an eyebrow. 

"I'm TaYam. Also known as Izzy," TaYam said, then proceeded to give out his phone number to all the females of the place while the microphone was handy. 

"Ah." 

Just then, a teenage girl ran through the entrance and straight for Gohan and TaYam. She had a pink T-shirt bearing the name, "Siara" stretched across her chest. She was also eating a high-sugar candy bar which was bad-for-her-health-and-would-make-her-teeth-rot-oh-yes-most-definitely-how-sinful. She ran up to the stage, panting a bit, and pulled Gohan out of his chair. Staring at both the hot Saiyan and the teenage boy, she noticed that they were both taller than her. Pouting for exactly two point five seconds, she drew back her hand and WHAPed them. She smacked TaYam in the back of the head and smacked Gohan in the back--side. 

"HENTAI!!!!" she screamed in their faces, then ran out the exit. 

*Tiddy Boom* 

Gohan and TaYam and 2.5 % of the crowd were about to react when out of the blue--convertible parked in the street, Piccolo ran in and snatched Gohan, then flew away. 

Crowd: "......" 

TaYam: "..." 

Heero Yuy: "..." 

Then TaYam kaughed evily for no other reason than the fact that the Author had just climbed out of a plot hole and made-him-do-it. (see? It wasn't the devil, it was me!) 

"Why you wanna try to classify the type of things we do?" Gohan sang tunefully as he was hauled through the air by Piccolo. "DIRTY POP!" 

They flew. 

And flew. 

And flew. 

Gohan sang. 

Piccolo flew. 

Gohan sang. 

Piccolo flew. 

He sang, he flew, he sang he flew he sang he flew he sang he flew he sang heflew hesang heflew heflew heflewhesanghestunkatithesanghsanghesangsomemoreheflewflewflewsangsangsansgsangflewsangflew 

Sita Seraph aimed her bazooka at them and shot them down. 

Gohan stopped singing. 

Piccolo stopped flying. 

Together, they started falling. 

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" they said. 

"EEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Sita replied, running back and forth on the ground like a crazy chipmunk trying to catch Gohan (for molestation purposes only) and at the same time trying not to catch Piccolo (engaged). 

"AHHHHHHH!!" 

"EEEEEEEEEE!!" 

"HENTAI!!" Siara screamed at them as she ran by. 

"SIARA!" Sita said, greeting her friend and completely forgetting about her two falling victims. 

*Thud* *Thud* Two bodies hit the floor with a resounding thud. 

*Thud* *Thud* Two bodies hit the floor with a resounding thud. 

*Thud* *Thud* Two bodies hit the floor again with a resounding thud. 

*Thud* *Thud* Two bodies hit the floor again with a resounding thud. 

Piccolo and Gohan had fallen once and bounced two times. Siara and Sita had merely run smack into each other and fallen on their butts. 

"Double you teepee . . ." Siara muttered, eyes turning into spirals as little Vegetas and Trunks with only stars covering the important parts danced around her head. 

"WTP?" Sita asked, dazed. 

"What the PLOCK?" Siara replied, accidentally setting off the Author's evil imagination as well as opening up a plot-hole in the space-PLOCK continuum, causing an unholy number of PLOCKs to appear for their dark, disturbing purpose. Gohan and Piccolo took advantage of the confusion, [and the fact that the Author had dropped her icee (lime-flavored thank-you-very-much) and wasn't paying as much attention to them] to make their PLOCK-ful escape. 

Then they PLOCKed to the PLOCK PLOCK while PLOCKing up PLOCKs and PLOCK-PLOCKers as well as a PLOCKful of PLOCKness, ending by PLOCKering up to the PLOCK and PLOCKing un-PLOCKfully. 

Hold on. 

Wait a second. 

Hold your horses. 

Stop. 

Whoa. 

Hey! 

Go back. 

Don't you dare move. 

Huh? 

The Author shook her head, sucked on a new icee, and sewed up the PLOCK-hole. 

*****(really annoying scene change accompanied by crappy flute music)****** 

"Goten." 

"What?" 

"Goten." 

"*What*?!?" 

"Oh Goten." 

"What *is* it, Trunks!?" 

"...Never mind." 

"You know I hate it when people say that to me." 

"I know." 

Goten sighed in Trunks' arms and squirmed into a more comfortable position on the demi-saiyan's lap. 

"I suppose that's why you do it, hmm? To annoy me." 

"No." Trunks smirked, head resting on top of Goten's head. "That isn't why I do it." 

"Then why?" 

Trunks grinned. "Never mind." 

"Oooooooo! You make me so mad!" Goten growled in a cute Shirley Temple type voice, wriggling again. 

Trunks breathed a bit faster. 

"You *really* wanna know why I do it?" He grinned mischieviously, blue eyes sparkling with mirth. 

"Yes! I really do," Goten laid his head back on Trunks' shoulder. 

Trunks leaned forward and twisted his head to blow gently in Goten's ear. Goten giggled and wiggled some more. Trunks' voice sounded thick when he answered. 

"Because you always do *that* whenever I do." 

"Do what?" 

"Never mind." 

Goten wriggled in an annoyed way. Trunks, unable to stop himself anymore, moaned aloud. 

Goten was about to kiss his boyfriend, or grab him, or at least turn around, when a girl in a pink shirt burst into Trunks' room, looked up at the couple sitting crosslegged on the ceiling, and screamed, "HENTAI!!" Then she turned around and went out again, slamming the door. 

*****(really annoying scene change accompanied by crappy flute music)****** 

"No I only want ONE condom," Roshi said to the clerk. 

"I'm sorry sir, but we only sell them in sets of 20." 

"Listen lady, I don't want to have to pay for so many condoms!" 

"They're well worth it!" she argued, blushing faintly. 

"No they're not! I'm who-knows-how-old! I probably need a condom only about once every ten years! I just want ONE!!" 

"I'm sorry sir, I can't let you do that." 

"Listen to me lady!" Roshi pulled his daughter Snerk over and lifted her up onto the counter. He pointed to her green skin triumphantly and yelled, "THIS is what happens when a boy and --girl-- don't know how to do it right!" She gawked at Snerk. 

"One condom coming up," she gasped, "Right away sir." 

*****(really annoying scene change accompanied by crappy flute music)****** 

"Gitcha Gitcha yaya tata! Gitcha gitcha yaya he-e-ere!" Piccolo and Gohan sang as they walked into Capsule Corps. They stopped only briefly so Piccolo could explain his plan. 

"So Gohan, heres the plan: you, me, Trunks, and Goten are going to sing [insert really romantic pop song by 98 degrees] together as a special thing I'm doing for my sweet Dende." 

"Duuuuh okay." 

"And now we are going to ask Trunks and Goten to practice with us." 

"Duuuuh okay." 

"Gohan, what's the matter with you?" Gohan pointed to a sign on the wall, which read in bold black letters: "**DUUUUH OKAY**" 

Piccolo stared. Gohan stared. Siara ran past them screaming, "HENTAI!!" They kept staring. Then they went in. 

They found the inside of the Briefs house a mess. Various articles of clothing were everywhere. Chocolate sauce and raspberry jam littered the halls. Piccolo nearly tripped over a black thong. They made their way to Trunks' room, which was empty of life, yet full of what hopefully was vanilla ice cream. Then they heard voices, so Piccolo and Gohan, who was singing," Cuz you're everywhere to me-e and when I close my eyes it's you I see, and everything I know that makes me believe, I'm not alo-o-one . . ." went to investigate. 

Piccolo threw open the door to the rec room and found Trunks and Goten--[insert long, long, pause]--[insert longer pause]--[insert an incredibly infuriating pause which should, in a just world, be sent to the very darkest depths of HFIL where it belongs so no one will ever have to suffer through it again when reading a fic that is supposed to be funny and cool even though its Author is using such a long long run-on sentence like this just to make you either laugh or be annoyed depending on the kind of person you are]--[insert PLOCK]--[PLOCK]--[insert Sita Seraph with her bazooka pointed to the Author's head so she will stop drawing out the suspense and put it back where it belongs, undrawn]-- 

Gohan gasped as he got an eyeful of Trunks and Goten--playing Scrabble on the floor. 

"Hey Gohan," Goten said, looking up at his older brother and not quite noticing as Trunks switched around the Scrabble pieces while his boyfriend was distracted. 

"Hey Piccolo," Trunks said, looking up at the Namek and not quite noticing as Goten switched around the Scrabble pieces while his boyfriend was distracted. 

"What I gotta do to keep you warm!" Gohan sang at the same time Piccolo burst out with, "Lala La luh in my pock-et!" Both singers did little pre-choreographed dance numbers, complete with cute little outfits straight from the ritziest dump heap in town. 

Somewhere, out in the distance, "Hentai!!" was heard. Then, Roshi burst into the room with a little green girl and a condom. 

*****(insert really annoying fake cliffhanger accompanied by crappy tuba music)****** 

Roshi took one look at Piccolo and dragged him behind a bush. While that was happening, Gohan explained the plan to the Scrabble players. 

***(insert another really annoying fake cliffhanger accompanied by more crappy tuba music)*** 

"I want to make it up to you Kami," Roshi said all starry eyed. 

"Huh?" Piccolo asked cluelessly. 

"I've been such a cad, not supporting you through your pregnancy, complaining about your periods, and not even committing myself to you, my love. But I have learned the error of my ways!" 

"...I never had a period..." Piccolo said. 

"Never mind that!" Roshi said. For some odd reason, Goten felt vaguely annoyed right at that moment. "Marry me!" Roshi broke the seal on the condom, cut a hole in it, and slipped the ringshaped thing on Piccolo's finger. 

"Roshi, I'm engaged to Dende." Piccolo ripped the condom off and began walking back to the others. 

"You're leaving me for DENDE?!" Roshi asked, tearing up much like his alleged daughter. 

"Yep," said Piccolo, walking away. 

"Noooo!!!!" Roshi screamed, latching onto Piccolo's leg, forcing the Namek to drag him along the ground. 

"Gerroff!" 

"No!" Roshi said, clinging tighter. 

"Get off!" 

"No!" he said, pressing closer. 

"Goddamnit! Stop humping my leg!" 

*****(really annoying scene change accompanied by crappy flute music)****** 

Goten and Trunks had said they would, "think about" Gohan and Piccolo's plan. Translation: "Leave us alone right now, we wanna do something nefarious." 

"Duuuuh okay," Gohan had replied. 

"You do understand don't you?" Goten had asked his brother. 

"I can feel your auras," Gohan said smugly, "You two have had sex on this table." He pointed to the table they were playing on. 

"Ummm, actually no," Trunks said, reaching over and giving Goten what can only be PG-rated-ly termed "a friendly squeeze." 

"We had sex on the ceiling *above* this table," Goten said. 

"HENTAI!" Siara screamed, running in and dragging Gohan away for her own twisted purposes. [Siara: HENTAI!!] 

Then everyone else disappeared in a giant plothole, leaving Goten and Trunks all alone. They switched on the radio, which was playing "I'm a Slave 4 U," and started making out. Suddenly, Goten stopped them. 

"Trunks?" 

"Hmm?" 

"What's a hentai?" 

"..." 

"..." 

"Goten?" 

"Yes, Trunks?" 

"Let's go back to making out." 

Siara tapped her wristwatch as the closing credits began to roll, "Where's my third chatter? She should've showed up waaaaaay before this!" 

Zab Jade finally arrived on the scene then, panting and eyes wild. 

Siara glared at her, "You're late!" 

Exhausted beyond endurance, Zab Jade fell to the floor unconscious, murmuring, "Vegeta . . . you can't do that . . . sideways . . ." Siara snapped her fingers, and Gohan fell out of another plothole, right on top of Trunks and Goten, thusly catching them making out to Britney's music. 

"I'm a sla-a-ave, for you!" Gohan sang. 

End!

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